Details Matter

History of R.s.v.p., Response Cards, and Reply Cards.

Forms of etiquette have been around for centuries; however, they also have changed along the way. With that said, let’s start with R.s.v.p. What does it mean? It is an abbreviation of the French phrase “Répondez s’il vous plaît”, which simply means “please respond”. Actually, once upon a time, people didn’t need response cards. When they received a written invitation, they would R.s.v.p. on their own stationery, offering congratulations and whether or not they would be able to attend. (Though response cards are common these days, sending your reply on your own personalized stationery is still acceptable).

Progress, progress, progress…with the invention of the telephone, it
became customary to include a response card for formal invitations, and
to ask people to R.s.v.p. by telephone for casual invitations.



Now that we have an understanding of "Répondez s’il vous plaît,"
how should a response card be worded?  Are there proper etiquette
guidelines for response card wording?  Are there other ways for
guests to R.s.v.p.?



Suggested Wording

First of all, just to put your mind at ease, there isn’t a “correct” way
of response card wording.  Instead, there are suggestions that are
more appropriate for a formal wedding, and those that would work best
for a casual affair.  There are guidelines for those who want
control for a very tight guest list (who is and isn’t invited). 
This is coupled with another topic…“how to address the inner (if
applicable) and outer envelope”.

The most common styles of R.s.v.p. or Response Card wording are:

 

The favor of a reply is requested by June 16, 2006.



M__________________________

____Accepts with pleasure

____Declines with regret

or

M_____________________________



will ______ attend

The blank line leading with the “M” is meant for your guest to fill in
Ms., Mr., Mrs. or Mr. and Mrs., followed by their name.  In the first
option, they simply check off whether or not they can come.  In the
second option, your guest will R.s.v.p. in the affirmative by only
writing their name and leaving the space in between “will” and “attend”
blank.  If they must decline, they will write “not” on the blank line.
Although widely used, this option can be somewhat confusing for many of your guests.



More Casual and Fun Response Card Wordings

We look forward to celebrating with you.

Please reply by June 16, 2006

M___________________________

____ accepts _____ regrets

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

We have reserved two seats in your honor.

M___________________________

{ } Accepts with pleasure

{ } Declines with regret

Please respond by June 16, 2006

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Other options that could be included in the response card

• To alleviate the problem of guests with poor hand writing or those who
  forget to include their name, number your guest list, then
  inconspicuously pencil the corresponding number on the back of each
  response card. Trust me; you’ll be glad you did!


• In order to get an exact number of attendees, you may wish to include
  this line “____ number attending.”  However, this could be risky if you
  want to have tight control of the guest count.  Some guests will
  interpret this as an open invitation to bring additional guests;
  regardless of to whom you address the card.  You can avoid these
  assumptions by writing “___ of ___ guest(s) will attend,” and then
  pre-filling in the second blank with the number of people that you are
  inviting.  Some may find this slightly distasteful, but it certainly does
  get the point across!


• Generally, when you order your response cards, pre-addressed envelopes
  are included.  All you need to do is add a postage stamp.


• You may also wish to include a phone number, or email address.  Just
  make sure that email isn’t the only way to reply.  Email is not an
  appropriate form for formal R.s.v.p.’s; neither are post card response
  cards.


• If you are inviting a large number of families with children, you may
  wish to include separate lines reading:
  Number Attending Ceremony _______
  
  Number Attending Reception ______
  (Be prepared though, some guests will expect and sometimes demand that
  their children should attend regardless of your wishes. Refer to our
  article “Bullying the Bride” for suggestions on how to address this
  situation.)

When you are working with a stationery store, don’t be afraid to ask
questions or for explanations. Most will be more than willing to help
you understand the dos and don’ts. If not, seek out another stationer
who will be more willing to help. This is the type of service that will
affirm the quality of work you can expect from those you have chosen to
work with.

Posted by David Gregory at 11:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Give advance notice with save-the-date cards.
Who -
Save-the-date cards are usually sent to out-of-town guests.  But, when they are sent in lieu of an engagement announcement, consider sending them to everyone on your wedding guest list, even friends and family members who you already know will attend.  And be sure to rely on common sense.  If you're not absolutely certain you're going to invite someone to the wedding, don't send them a save-the-date notice.

What -
While you shouldn't give every last detail, such as directions to the ceremony, you should provide the basics, like the wedding date and place.  If you're having a destination wedding and people need to make airline reservations, or you're holding the affair in a hot spot where booking hotel rooms in advance is a good idea, provide more details.  A reply card isn't necessary because you're not trying to elicit a response.

The wording should be something along the lines of: "Please save the date of Saturday, July 3rd, for the wedding of Melissa Greene and Daniel Sheridan in Santorini, Greece. Invitation to follow."  If your wedding will be informal, your save-the-date cards can have a casual tone too. ("It's about time! After nearly a decade together, we're finally getting married! etc.")

When -
Place an order with your stationer as soon as you've set the basic wedding details, and send out the cards at least six months to a year in advance.  Anything less than six months in advance is simply a waste of money, since your guests should be receiving the actual wedding invitation just a few weeks later.  Keep in mind that it will take a few weeks to design and print your save-the-date cards.

Why -
The basic purpose of save-the-date cards is to let your guests know about your wedding far enough in advance so they can arrange their schedules and make the necessary travel plans.  It's especially important if you're planning a destination wedding or if you're planning a holiday weekend wedding.  You should also consider sending the cards if you'll be getting married between the middle of November and the beginning of the new year when everyone's social calendars tend to fill up quickly.

Where -
There is no such thing as a standard or typical save-the-date card.  You're only limited by your own imagination and creativity.  Therefore, you may want to work with an experienced stationer to develop something that will not only fit your budget, but will also convey your own unique personal style.

How -
Save-the-date cards can coordinate with your wedding invitation, or they can be a complete departure.  Often when the wedding invitations will follow a more traditional and formal path, the save-the-date cards provide an opportunity to reflect a more casual or whimsical aspect of the couple's personality.

Summary
After all is said and done, simply keep in mind that there is no right or wrong in whether or not you should send a save-the-date card.  If there is a need, by all means send them.  Your guests will apperciate it!  However, if you're on a budget, or your wedding date falls during a time when your guests' social calendars are not likely to be overbooked, save your money.  Paper, printing, and postage all add up.  And the money you save by not sending these cards can be redirected to an area more likely to create lasting memories - such as the photographer, the reception, etc.

Posted by David Gregory at 5:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)