Forms of etiquette have been around for centuries; however, they also have changed along the way. With that said, let’s start with R.s.v.p. What does it mean? It is an abbreviation of the French phrase “Répondez s’il vous plaît”, which simply means “please respond”. Actually, once upon a time, people didn’t need response cards. When they received a written invitation, they would R.s.v.p. on their own stationery, offering congratulations and whether or not they would be able to attend. (Though response cards are common these days, sending your reply on your own personalized stationery is still acceptable).
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became customary to include a response card for formal invitations, and
to ask people to R.s.v.p. by telephone for casual invitations.
Now that we have an understanding of "Répondez s’il vous plaît,"
how should a response card be worded? Are there proper etiquette
guidelines for response card wording? Are there other ways for
guests to R.s.v.p.?
Suggested Wording
First of all, just to put your mind at ease, there isn’t a “correct” way
of response card wording. Instead, there are suggestions that are
more appropriate for a formal wedding, and those that would work best
for a casual affair. There are guidelines for those who want
control for a very tight guest list (who is and isn’t invited).
This is coupled with another topic…“how to address the inner (if
applicable) and outer envelope”.
The most common styles of R.s.v.p. or Response Card wording are:
The favor of a reply is requested by June 16, 2006.
M__________________________
____Accepts with pleasure
____Declines with regret
or
M_____________________________
will ______ attend
The blank line leading with the “M” is meant for your guest to fill in
Ms., Mr., Mrs. or Mr. and Mrs., followed by their name. In the first
option, they simply check off whether or not they can come. In the
second option, your guest will R.s.v.p. in the affirmative by only
writing their name and leaving the space in between “will” and “attend”
blank. If they must decline, they will write “not” on the blank line.
Although widely used, this option can be somewhat confusing for many of your guests.
More Casual and Fun Response Card Wordings
We look forward to celebrating with you.
Please reply by June 16, 2006
M___________________________
____ accepts _____ regrets
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
We have reserved two seats in your honor.
M___________________________
{ } Accepts with pleasure
{ } Declines with regret
Please respond by June 16, 2006
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Other options that could be included in the response card
- To alleviate the problem of guests with poor hand writing or those who
forget to include their name, number your guest list, then
inconspicuously pencil the corresponding number on the back of each
response card. Trust me; you’ll be glad you did! - In order to get an exact number of attendees, you may wish to include
this line “____ number attending.” However, this could be risky if you
want to have tight control of the guest count. Some guests will
interpret this as an open invitation to bring additional guests;
regardless of to whom you address the card. You can avoid these
assumptions by writing “___ of ___ guest(s) will attend,” and then
pre-filling in the second blank with the number of people that you are
inviting. Some may find this slightly distasteful, but it certainly does
get the point across! - Generally, when you order your response cards, pre-addressed envelopes
are included. All you need to do is add a postage stamp. - You may also wish to include a phone number, or email address. Just
make sure that email isn’t the only way to reply. Email is not an
appropriate form for formal R.s.v.p.’s; neither are post card response
cards. - If you are inviting a large number of families with children, you may
wish to include separate lines reading:
Number Attending Ceremony _______
Number Attending Reception ______
(Be prepared though, some guests will expect and sometimes demand that
their children should attend regardless of your wishes. Refer to our
article “Bullying the Bride” for suggestions on how to address this
situation.)
When you are working with a stationery store, don’t be afraid to ask
questions or for explanations. Most will be more than willing to help
you understand the dos and don’ts. If not, seek out another stationer
who will be more willing to help. This is the type of service that will
affirm the quality of work you can expect from those you have chosen to
work with.
