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Social Grace gets hit with a question that seems to be coming up more and more frequently.  Is it a disturbing new trend or just an increasingly awkward and somewhat presumptuous view of social customs by today's generation?

Dear Social Grace,

My fiancé and I are in our late thirties and have never been married.  We are fortunate that both sets of parents are still alive, but with their limited retirement incomes, we have decided to pay for the wedding ourselves.  We are excited to share this wonderful occasion with our large group of friends, but we had no idea the cost of the reception was going to be so high.  We do not want to hurt anyone's feelings by leaving some friends off the guest list, while including others.  However, we just cannot afford to have everyone at the reception.
 
Since we have everything we need to setup house together (in fact we have more than one house will comfortably hold), how can we politely put on the invitation that we would prefer cash contributions to help offset the cost of the wedding instead of some gift that we do not need.
 
Perplexed in Lenexa

. . . to make sure you know who is coming to your wedding.

It may seem like a trivial thing, but it amazes me how many guests fail to put their names on the reply card before they send it back.   Sometimes people just forget, other times they simply are not aware that they need to provide that information on the card.   No matter how well your guests know the nuances of social etiquette, it remains a simple fact - people lead very busy lives and in the rush to get everything done, details like this can slip through the cracks.

After our recent buying excursion, we thought folks would be interested in hearing our take on what we saw.  We'll summarize our thoughts in three different categories --

Tailored styles, Soft styles and Kid styles.

Social Grace ponders the impact  hectic and busy schedules have on the lives of a newlywed couple and their ability to send correspondence to friends and relatives for the wedding gifts received.

Dear Social Grace,

After my fiancé and I returned from an extended honeymoon it was time for reality to set in as we both returned to the daily tasks that had piled up while we were away from our jobs. We have had to consolidate two households as well as get acclimated to a new routine together, and before long we realized that our lives had been so busy six months had passed and we had not had time to get any thank you notes written for our wedding gifts.

Now that so much time has passed, we thought we'd ask you if sending a note was even necessary now, and if so, when is a WRITTEN thank you note necessary?

Busy in Brookside

History of R.s.v.p., Response Cards, and Reply Cards.

Forms of etiquette have been around for centuries; however, they also have changed along the way.  With that said, let's start with R.s.v.p. What does it mean?  It is an abbreviation of the French phrase "Répondez s'il vous plaît", which simply means "please respond".  Actually, once upon a time, people didn't need response cards.  When they received a written invitation, they would R.s.v.p. on their own stationery, offering congratulations and whether or not they would be able to attend. (Though response cards are common these days, sending your reply on your own personalized stationery is still acceptable).

Give advance notice with save-the-date cards.
Who -
Save-the-date cards are usually sent to out-of-town guests.  But, when they are sent in lieu of an engagement announcement, consider sending them to everyone on your wedding guest list, even friends and family members who you already know will attend.  And be sure to rely on common sense.  If you're not absolutely certain you're going to invite someone to the wedding, don't send them a save-the-date notice.

Give your guests time to plan.