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GENERAL ETIQUETTE
Planning a major social or business
event is not something many of us do regularly. Just writing a note
to express strong feelings can be challenging. With business or
personal image and relationships to be considered it can be
intimidating.
We hope our tips for business and social etiquette, stationery
etiquette, and gift etiquette make you just a bit more comfortable
as you take center stage.
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Finding the right words for a
particular situation is always challenging. Here are some tips to
help make your point:
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Target the recipient. Set the
tone that reflects the person to whom you're writing.
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State your feelings clearly. Let
the person know why they are important to you.
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Focus on the occasion. Freely
describe the meaning or significance of the event.
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Think about your message. Write
what comes to mind, then review, edit, and revise.
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If you choose to use email or the
telephone to extend an invitation, follow up with a printed or
letter of invitation including a personal note confirming the
recipient's attendance, and restating critical information.
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Personal stationery should be used
to send letters of condolence to business colleagues.
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Business notes should generally be
hand written. However, typed notes with a hand written signature
are acceptable if your handwriting is less than desirable.
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INVITATIONS OVERVIEW
Invitations are your chance to set the mood for your celebration. Will it be traditional and formal or will you have lots of your own touches in a more casual setting? Or will your celebration lie somewhere in between?
Most people want to do “what’s right.” But the right thing is for you to consider your budget and your event. Invitations can be a complex mailing with multiple inserts (link to parts of an invitation) that follow a Save the Date card or a simple notice of where your celebration will take place.
The only “musts” to invitations are easy to remember if you keep in mind that you’re inviting someone to an event and you want to get them there … and on time! If you’re not hosting an event that people will attend, you will want to send an Announcement rather than an invitation.
| Invitation musts: |
Wedding example |
Baby shower example |
| Who is hosting the event? |
Mr. and Mrs. Michael O’Shea |
Come join us |
| Who/what is being celebrated? |
The marriage of their daughter Colleen to Mr. Anthony Schwartz |
Tara’s expecting a boy! |
| When? |
Saturday, the second of July |
Saturday, July 2nd |
| Where? |
Liberty Park, Washington D.C. |
Brigit’s house |
Of course, there are endless ways to invite people to events. Following etiquette tradition would not only make Miss Manners and Emily Post smile, but you as well. Creating the perfect invitation to your event can be enjoyable and will offer everyone a keepsake of the event.
The best thing you can do is to start browsing invitations or announcements to
get a feel for the styles that appeal to you. You can save all the cards you are
attracted to in your My Account Folder. Once you have found a handful of invitations, you can start reviewing pricing and customization options to get a better idea of style, and what will fit within your budget. Please note that not all invitations are available for printing. You will need to read each individual product description carefully to determine whether the invitation you have selected is available as blank stock or with printing options.
ORDERING WEDDING INVITATIONS
What to Consider When Looking for the Perfect Wedding Invitation
There are so many invitations to decide between, but the process will take less time if you know what you want or what interests you. Take into consideration the formality of the event, the number of guests you will have, your personal taste, whether there is some kind of theme, and if there are special colors that will be incorporated into the event. Ecru is the most traditional wedding color, but you may want to match your invitation to your dress. If your event color is green, you can look for an invitation with green accents, or you may use green ink and matching envelope liner to incorporate your event color.
Getting Ready to Order your Invitations
Ordering invitations is a two part process; first you have to do some research and gather all of your information, then you are ready to place your order and have your invitations printed. There are so many questions to answer before you can actually sit down and order your invitations. Here's a brief checklist of what you will want to consider before beginning the order process.
1. What invitation are you going to order?
2. Which enclosures do you need (response card, reception card, directions card, other)?
3. What typestyle do you like best?
4. What printing process are you going to use?
5. How many invitations do you need?
6. Do you know all your wedding day information (location, time, address etc.)?
7. What wording do you prefer?
8. What is your budget?
9. How formal is your event?
All of these questions will be asked during the order process and need to be answered before the order is sent in. It is best to be prepared and allow yourself time in making these decisions.
DavidGregory.biz has provided as much information as possible to help you determine what is right for your invitations, so please take advantage of what's available!
How Many Wedding Invitations to Order
If you are able to determine the exact number of invitations you will need, it is always safe to order a bit extra. Since invitations are usually sold in quantities of 20 or 25, you should think about ordering 150 in cases where you needed 122 invitations. If you ordered 125, 3 extra might not be enough of a cushion. If any are sent back to you with the wrong address, if you add someone to the list last minute, if you or your family would like some for scrapbooks, or if some people don't receive anything and you need to resend them, you will be glad to have a few more on hand.
It is also wise to order extra envelopes in case there are any mistakes made when printing or writing the names and addresses on the envelopes. If you need to order your invitations before your guest list is finalized, you can estimate how many invitations to order by taking half of your total number of guests and adding 25. This will give you a ball-park number but, it is always a good idea to be more exact. Here are some guidelines: Married couples and families only need one invitation. If there is a child over 18 living at home with their family, it is recommended to include their name on the outer envelope, or to send them their own invitation. If you have several friends living in the same house together, it is customary to send each of them an invitation.
When and How to Order Your Invitations
The best thing you can do is to start browsing wedding invitations or announcements to get a feel for the styles that appeal to you. You can save all the cards you are attracted to in your My Own Gatsby folder. Once you have found a handful of wedding invitations, start reviewing the prices to get an idea of what each invitation and coordinating items cost per person. Then, multiply the cost per person number for each invitation by the number of guests you will be inviting and that should give you a pretty close price range for what the total paper costs will be.
Invitations should be ordered well in advance to when you want to mail them (customarily they should be mailed six weeks before the wedding). Order them with plenty of time for you to assemble and address them. Significant time can be saved if you get your mailing list in strict order. Allow more time if it isn’t and if you plan to address them yourself.
Every bride has different priorities for their wedding. For some, the dress is the most important item while for others it may be the cake. So, when it comes to wedding invitations, planning your budget reflects its importance on your list. For the basics (wedding invitation with inner and outer envelopes, response card with envelope, and reception card), you can plan on spending anywhere between 2-5% of your total budget. But, if you believe as much as we do that the wedding invitation sets the tone for your event, then you may want to up the budget a notch. Also, if you would like direction cards, maps, envelope lining etc. you will want to increase your budget. There are other paper products to consider, such as thank you cards or informal cards, programs, place cards, seating cards and more.
TRADITIONAL WEDDING INVITATIONS
Most people look to etiquette sources for “what’s right.” Relax, and instead think of etiquette rules as etiquette tradition. If you decide to do something different, it’s really OK to do so!
Traditionalists usually favor an oversized, engraved invitation on heavy ecru paper with a tissue layover and an inner envelope sent inside of an outer envelope. The elegance of traditional wedding invitations is often the perfect way to invite people to a celebration.
For the traditional basics, each mailing will include a wedding invitation with outer envelopes, a response card, and a reception card. If you believe as much as we do that the wedding invitation sets the tone for your event, then you may want to include more. Nice touches for wedding invitations include direction cards, maps, envelope lining, and more. And there are other printed paper products to consider, such as thank you cards or informal cards, programs, place cards, seating cards and more.
Parts of a Traditional Wedding Invitation
Invitation enclosures are usually used for formal events such as weddings, bar/bat mitzvahs, and corporate dinner/cocktail receptions. Traditional etiquette has much to say about each one, of course!
Response Card
Response (or RSVP) cards allow your guests to inform you if they will be attending your event and how many people they will be bringing with them. Response cards can be classic fold over cards, panel cards or double-sided postcards (with the RSVP wording on one side, and address on the back side). They should be sent out accompanied by an addressed, pre-stamped envelope to encourage your guests to send it back. These cards can be blank with your own handwritten message on them or they can be printed with your wording.
Response deadlines should be no later than two weeks before the special day, or the date your caterer needs a final count. If after two weeks you haven't heard from some people, phone calls can be made to those having trouble putting pen to paper. This gives you time to figure out exactly how many people will be attend.
A helpful trick that will save you lots of time is to lightly number the response cards on the back in correspondence with the number that appears next to your guest on the list. When you receive your response cards, you can just check the number on the card with the number on your list so you won't have a splitting headache trying to read everyone's fancy handwriting.
Having your name and address pre-printed on the front of the Response Card envelope is a handy and easy way to encourage your guests to respond promptly. Traditionally speaking, the host’s name and address (for example a bride’s parents’ address) should appear on the response envelope. If your part of a blended family or live a long distance from the host(s), you may need use your own discretion. It’s traditional to save the first appearance of the bride’s and groom's names together until after the wedding. So, if an unmarried couple is living together, have the cards sent to the bride only.
Reception Card
Reception cards are needed only if the reception takes place at a location separate from the ceremony. If they’re hosted at the same location, you may choose to say, “Reception immediately following,” or “Dinner and Dancing immediately following” to inform your guests that the reception will be held in the same location as the ceremony.
If the ceremony and reception are held in different locations, you may enclose a reception card. Or, when only a select number of guests are invited to the reception, a separate card is enclosed. It should be of the same paper and type style and is generally half the size of the invitation.
Map/Direction Card
This card may be essential to ensure that no one gets lost or ends up arriving late to your event. You can have simple text directions, guiding your guests step by step to each of your destinations (usually to the church, and to the reception). You can also opt to submit either a hand-drawn map or have the ceremony site give you a copy of their own map and have it printed on the card. Clearly written street names and clear map drawings will certainly help out the chronically lost. Please note that not all brands will allow you to submit your own map. You will have to inquire about this option when you have decided which invitation you would like to order.
For the most elegant look, have the same printer of your invitations also print your directions card. This way, you can be sure that the paper stock chosen will match your invitations perfectly. An alternative to sending the directions cards with the invitations is to send it upon receiving their response card indicating that they are planning on attending your event.
Accommodation cards
You may want to send this card with the invitations going to your out-of-town guests. It lists hotels or places to rent in the area you are having your wedding. Include phone numbers and any information they will need to know to schedule a place to stay. This is especially helpful if your wedding will take place at a vacation spot.
Additional Matching Items
It is always fun to have your Thank you cards or your Programs printed on the same paper as your invitation and there are still so many options!
Save the Date Cards
A great way to let your out of town guests know about your wedding date is to send Save-the-Date cards. They may be essential for planning flights and taking time off around peak vacation times. Save-the-dates should be sent out at least 3 months in advance of your wedding date, but it is recommended to send them 5 months to a year in advance. This card may match your invitation; you can pick a similar card in a smaller size or choose a very simple version of your invitation. You may also opt to pick a card that is more casual or reflects the location or theme of your wedding (Hawaii/tropical, Colorado/Mountains, Hydrangeas, Lilies etc.)
Informal / Thank You Cards
The informal card can be ordered to match your invitation and are most commonly used as thank you notes. It can be printed with 'Thank You', your names, a monogram or a motif on the outside. The inside is left blank allowing you to write a small personal message. Thank you notes can match your wedding invitations or your personality, just remember that you will need plenty of them. You will be writing thank you notes for more than just your wedding. There are always many occasions surrounding your main event where gifts are given and there are many people to thank for their gift of support. You will want to write a thank you card for each gift given at each event; bridal shower, engagement party, bachelorette party, etc. and they should be sent soon after the gift is received. This means you may be sending thank you notes before your wedding date. They never go bad, so it can't hurt to order more than you think you will need!
At-Home Cards
This card allows you to tell friends and family of your new address and the date you will begin residing there.
Pew Cards
Also known as within-the-ribbon card. This is sent to guests you want to honor by having them seated in reserved pews closest to the altar, or "within the ribbon". This lets the usher know who gets the special treatment.
Programs
Programs are an extra touch of formality that help guests understand the direction a formal ceremony is going in, what is being done next, and the explanation of any special rites that are unfamiliar to people of a different religion. They can also be used as tributes to special people in your lives. For the most elegant look, have the same printer of your invitations also print your programs. This way, you can be sure that the paper stock and typestyle chosen will match your invitations perfectly.
Place Cards
Place cards help your guests find which table they are seated at and are usually blank or printed with your name with space for your guests' names and table number, if they aren't already placed on the table. This is great when you have a special seating arrangement and you want your guests to find their place without any problems. They are also helpful in letting your caterers know who is having the chicken or the vegetarian option. You may tie different colored ribbons on the place cards or use stickers to indicate the different meal choices your guests have made.
PROPER ADDRESSING OF WEDDING INVITATIONS
Most classic wedding invitations have an outer and inner envelope. The outer has the recipient’s street address, a return address, and postage. The inner envelope has less information and should be addressed as if you were hand delivering it. With contemporary invitations becoming more popular by the day, it is not uncommon for invitations to only include one outer envelope. You will need to read each individual product description carefully to determine whether the invitation you have selected includes both outer and inner envelopes, or outer envelopes only.
Traditional etiquette says to “abbreviate nothing, hand address everything!” Writing out “Northwest Two Hundred Nineteenth Street” is tiring and could even delay the delivery of your invitation by a day or two. The United States Post Office would rather you write “NW 219th Street” and for you to use state abbreviations (“CA” instead of “California.”). Hand addressing certainly takes a lot of time, so this may be a good opportunity to get some of your friends and family involved with helping out, IF they have nice handwriting!
DavidGregory.biz also offers computerized calligraphy on certain outer envelopes for your guest’s addresses. We can print it to perfectly match your invitation and enclosure ensemble. It is an absolutely stunning look to complete your invitation. Remember, it is the first impression your guests will have of your special day when they open their mailbox and find your invitation waiting for them. It will also save you time and prevent mistakes from happening.
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RECIPIENT |
OUTER ENVELOPE |
INNER ENVELOPE, formal |
INNER ENVELOPE, contemporary |
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Married couple, same last name |
Mr. and Mrs. William Smith |
Mr. and Mrs. Smith |
Michelle and Bill |
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Married couple, different last names |
Ms. Michelle Franks and Mr. William Smith (both names on same line) |
Ms. Franks and Mr. Smith |
Michelle and Bill |
| Married couple with children under 18 |
Mr. and Mrs. William Smith |
Mr. and Mrs. SmithJoanne |
Adam, Mary, and Joanne |
| Unmarried couple at same address |
Miss (or Ms) Michelle Franks |
Miss Franks |
Mr. Smith Michelle and Bill |
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Single woman |
Miss Cynthia Green |
Miss Green and Charles (note: it’s better to find out the name of a single’s date rather than saying, “and guest”) |
Cynthia |
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Single man |
Mr. Michael Ross |
Mr. Ross |
Michael |
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Married couple with children under 18 |
Mr. and Mrs. Adam Fossini |
Mr. and Mrs. Fossini |
Joanne Adam, Mary, and Joanne |
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Unmarried couple at same address |
Miss (or Ms.) Sarah Raymond |
Miss Sarah Raymond |
Mr. Jeremy Kuhn Sarah and Jeremy |
The Return Address
The return address is printed on the envelope flap and should be the address of those hosting the event. If it is a wedding and the bride's parents are hosting, then it should be the bride's parents' address - names are not commonly used with a formal return address. Please note, guests who are unable to attend or who wish to send their gift before or after your wedding date will use this address to send packages.
CONTEMPORARY WEDDING INVITATIONS
If you want your own touch and “classic” isn’t really a part of your wedding planning vocabulary, then you have come to the right place. With paper, ink color, format and accessory choices, your options are endless.
DavidGregory.biz offers a full line of exclusive custom wedding invitations that are truly unique. Choose from over 90 cardstock colors and 14 ink colors to create a wedding invitation all your own! You also have the option to add a Pocket fold or Envelopment in our Mix ‘n Match printed invitations. Or for the more daring do-it-yourselfer (DIY’er), you can save costs and let your creative juices flow by creating and printing your own design with all the tools DavidGregory.biz has available at your fingertips.
Just give us a call, and we'd be glad to help.
Sources:
1. "Just a Note to Say… The Perfect Words for Every Occasion,"
Florence Isaacs, Clarkson Potter/Publishers, 1995.
2. "The Total Executive…because image matters!" Herbert E. Knoll,
Jr., JELA Publishing , 1986.
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